Who Am I?

The Challenge of Being Ordinary

“It’s so hard to be ordinary,“

I say to God

as I wander down Addison’s Walk at Magdalen College in Oxford,

retracing the steps of my beloved C S Lewis.

He walked this way often, “pondering”, the girl at the gate told me.

What words swirled in his mind as he walked, I wondered,

words that graced his many insightful books 

and the letters he wrote to friends and strangers alike

sharing himself so freely?

So, I walk quietly in awe of the awareness

of the presence of his greatness, this extraordinary man  

who wove words together so beautifully

in ways that changed people’s lives.

As I walk, my eyes are drawn to a plaque attached to the wall

And I realize it is a poem written by Lewis

“WHAT THE BIRD SAID EARLY IN THE YEAR”

I read it,

and I walked on weeping for the beauty

of the words and the message.

Written from the perspective of a bird,

it speaks deeply to me who loves birds and tries to listen to them,

and here was Lewis doing what I long to do.

So, here in the presence of this incredible man 

whose words hold true so many decades later, 

I yield to the distress of being “ordinary”

with words swirling within, with this deep longing I have

to write down words, to pen poems, to share my God-perspective

in ways that will touch others’ lives.

And yet…

I read his poem again

and in it I hear his longing expressed through this bird

for the year ahead to be different,

for that summer to be different

so that autumn wouldn’t find him

in the same place as previous years.

I have read enough to know his life was far from easy, 

that he had an amazing gift for acceptance of difficulties and disappointments,

and a beautiful capacity to treat everyone he met, in person or via letter, 

as valuable and worthy of his careful attention.

He walked so patiently with his beloved brother.

He cared for his friend’s difficult mother.

Often he gave up plans to be with an old friend because of others’ needs.

When he shared his first Narnia tale with Tolkien, the latter told him he would never get it published.

Somehow, amid it all, he embraced possibility

he walked Addison’s Walk, and he pondered

and he wrote gems out of his experience with God and his life’s lessons.

Can I get courage from that? 

Yes, I am” ordinary” –whatever that word really means—

but I too have a way of knowing God, this magnificent, grace-filled, generous God

who has called me to follow in His way,

to be open to possibility

to be faithful and faith-filled

 and to keep writing

keep living

keep seeing

 keep wondering

keep my eyes open in awe

keep my ears open to the birds and the trees 

and to find a way to express my experience

as an ordinary human experience

in a way that will touch others.

The Challenge for You

Do these words resonate with you? Have you longed to be someone special, do something extraordinary that will change others’ lives? Is it at times frustrating to just be you?

Jesus spoke in one of his parables about this, recorded in Matthew 25:14-30. The context here is interesting. This comes after he has shared about the end of the age and then the parable of the ten virgins and before the parable of the sheep and the goats. The following chapter begins his journey to the cross. These three parables are about what the Kingdom of heaven will be like. I think the context invites our full attention.

Jesus tells of a man going on a journey and entrusting his property to his servants. To each servant, he gives a different amount, “according to his ability”. The word he uses “talent” is only used here and in another parable he told (Matthew 18:23), where it is definitely about a sum of money. But I think it is also an invitation for us to see this as an entrustment to us of what God has given us.

Psalm 139 speaks of how God created each of us, and this involves the uniqueness of each one of us. We all have God’s image—the Imago Dei-- but we also have those abilities that are unique to each one of us.

The interesting thing in Jesus’ story is that it didn’t matter the quantity of what was given back to the master—only the faithfulness of the servant using wisely what he had been given. The five talent and the two talent servant were told the same thing, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!”

Bur what about that one talent servant? What a judgment on him. It seems so harsh. Is this meant as a warning for us to take seriously what God has given us and to use it faithfully to fulfill his calling on our lives?  I wonder if this just emphasizes how important it is to God that we do what is ours to do—whether it seems like a little thing or a big thing.

Eugene Peterson has an interesting translation of this servant’s words and the master’s response:

“’Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’ The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! if you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?’”

I wonder if part of the invitation here is about how we see God? Do you see him as a hard task master who is hard to please? Do you see him as a loving father who cheers you on in your efforts, who will correct you if you are off base, but will still encourage you as you do what you can?

The Challenge of Belonging with Others

Paul gives us this counsel: “Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it's serving, let him serve; and it's teaching, let him teach; it's encouraging, let him encourage; if it’s contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it’s leadership, let him govern diligently; if it's showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.” (Romans 12:4-8)

I love the diversity here of what Paul is pointing out. We tend to value some gifts more than others. And the important thing is that we “belong to all the others”: if we fail to do our part, someone misses out on a blessing.

Margaret Feinberg in her new series, The God You Need to Know” has a session entitled “The Spirit who Makes” in which she shares the story of the men given talent and skills by God to do the intricate work of building the temple. (Exodus 31 if you are interested!) The thing I loved about her sharing was how she interpreted skills—beyond the usual things we think of when we think of talents--to include making meals for people, helping people get organized, growing beautiful

flowers to share—the diversity of our gifts. The important thing is to be faithful; to be listening to the Spirit and to do what he puts before us.  

One of my friends was sharing recently of having been asked to fill a different position in the organization for which she is a volunteer. She had been serving faithfully in the area she enjoyed; now she was doing something that was taking her outside her comfort zone. She was discovering things about herself that she had not previously thought were her gifts and how valuable although difficult this new experience was.

Circling back to my poem at the beginning. How often do we let comparing ourselves and our skills to others’ keep us from doing what God is calling us to do? Do you balk when you get an invitation to sign up to bring a meal to someone in need? Or even at a potluck, look at others’ dishes and feel inferior? Or  at the Christmas bazaars that are happening now…can you enjoy others’ creativity without putting down yourself?

So, I will never write as C S Lewis did. Or a myriad of other writers whose books I love and learn so much from! Do I then stop writing? Do I hold back my unique way of being with God? Thanks to encouraging friends, I did not! Now I have a printed book that is bringing life and new ways of knowing God to others. I am so grateful!

Go and do likewise! Take the talents God has given you and use them to bless others in big ways and small. Be on the alert to the Spirit’s promptings to a moment where you can contribute something. Find joy in new ways of being you—gorgeous, unique you!