One of You is Going to Betray Me

I am sitting quietly in my chair, my dog curled up beside me, thinking of Judas Iscariot with whom I have been “journeying” for several weeks as I try to understand his actions—chosen, beloved, part of the ‘in-crowd” around Jesus—and yet somehow not committed to the purpose of Jesus. Well, it seems none of them really were. The first time Jesus spoke of his journey to Jerusalem, to suffer many things at the hands of the Jewish leaders, and to be killed, Peter rose to rebuke him, but none of the others said anything. I wonder what Judas was thinking. The second time, Jesus shared with them what lay ahead, he included the betrayal. Did Judas then wonder, “This is not what I signed up for! I thought we were going to see miraculous delivery from Roman oppression”.

What happens when the path is different to what you expect or want? As I wonder if I have ever been in a place where the way God opened for me led me to a place I would never have wanted to be, I realize—oh, yes, that must be moving here to the States. After a tumultuous break-up of our marriage, Laurence was back home and I was still reeling from all we had been through, but life was beginning to settle into a good routine—good church, supportive ladies’ Bible Study, great neighbors, the girls happy with the school and friends… Then Laurence lost his job, a job opened for him in Portland, Oregon (wherever is that?) and suddenly the ground beneath my feet was shaking. This is not what I signed up for! My security was shattered. Could I have bailed at that point? Was this really God opening the door? Could there not be another way? And yet, God was faithful through a very painful journey that has brought me to the place I am in today.

And so to Judas Iscariot-- the last name mentioned on every list of the twelve chosen disciples, as if none of the gospel writers wanted to have to include him; Luke even labels him “the one who became a traitor”. Yet he was chosen by Jesus to be one of the central group of disciples who would travel with Jesus, although there is no specific mention of when or why he was chosen. Come, look over Luke’s shoulder as he writes: “Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray and spent the night praying to God. When the morning came, he called his disciples and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles.” Luke 6:12,13. This was no rash decision; this was carefully talked about between Father and Son. I wonder what the two shared as they thought about Judas as one of this elite group of people who would be part of God’s unfolding history.

Thus, Judas lived with Jesus for several years, ate with him, slept wherever they could find a place to rest, and together with the eleven, he listened to Jesus’ teaching, he heard the Sermon on the Mount and wondered at the meaning of the parables. He saw all the miracles of healing, the feeding of the crowds, and sins being forgiven. He was present when Peter made his declaration, “You are the Christ, the Messiah.” (Matthew 16:16)

I wonder if a clue to what happened lies in the question proposed by the disciples after Jesus had risen: “Are you at this time going to restore the Kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:8) Was this Judas’ hope? Was he a committed Jew who was waiting for and expecting a Messiah who would rise in power and lead the people out from under Roman occupancy--a conquering king, a powerful political ruler who would restore Israel to her former glory and destroy her enemies, the Romans? What was he thinking as Jesus talked about the purpose of the journey to Jerusalem? Was he still hoping for an intervention? There is no mention of him protesting as Peter did, or querying or asking for greater understanding as Philip and Andrew did. Was he watching, waiting to see what Jesus would do? Palm Sunday happened. Did that raise his expectations? Jesus turned over the tables in the temple. Was there hope released in Judas’ heart?

As the story unfolds, Judas first appeared when they are staying at Bethany; a woman (possibly Mary) anointed Jesus with a jar of expensive perfume, raising a protest from the disciples, apparently particularly Judas.  John tells us that it was Judas who queried the waste, saying that it could have been used for the poor, although John adds that Judas didn't care about the poor; that he was the keeper of the money bag and that he helped himself to what was put in. Judas, the keeper of the money bag?

Who was this Judas that Jesus chose him to be one of the twelve and then entrusted him with the keeping of the funds?

We next meet Judas going to the chief priests and asking for a reward for handing over Jesus. They were already wanting to arrest and kill him but feared a riot. They instructed Judas to find an opportunity when they could catch Jesus away from the crowds. Why did you do this, Judas? What of all you had seen and experienced with Jesus led you to this place of agreeing to hand your master over to the enemy whom you must have known would kill him? I wonder if Judas was thinking that doing so would change Jesus’ trajectory--that at the moment of Jesus being arrested, those thousand angels would intervene! It does seem unlikely that the motive was money.

And so we come to the Lord's supper. The twelve men who had lived with and traveled with Jesus for so long were now together reclining at the table eating the Passover, each of them holding their own thoughts of what was going to happen-- none of them, it seems, truly believing that what Jesus had said was about to happen really would.  John tells the beautiful story of how Jesus took off his outer clothing, wrapped a towel around his waist, poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet—yes, even Judas’. What was Judas thinking as he stared down at his master’s bowed head and watched him tenderly wipe his feet? John tells us that afterwards Jesus said, “’And you are clean, though not everyone of you.’ For he knew who was going to betray him.” Then, as they ate, Jesus announced that one of them would betray him. Interestingly enough, none of them seemed to pinpoint Judas as that one. In fact, they all began to wonder about themselves: “Surely not I, Lord?”

“One of you,” Jesus said. “It would be better for him if he had not been born.” (Matthew 26:24) There is a moment here when time stood still. Jesus looked at Judas, his heart deeply troubled, his eyes filled with compassion and distress. He dipped a piece of bread into a dish and handed it to Judas who took it. “Oh, Judas, my friend, my brother, my chosen companion.” Did the words of David’s in Psalm 41 come to his mind. “Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” John tells us Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. (John 13:2) He knew what Judas was about to do. He told him to act quickly. The other disciples apparently missed the point; they thought Jesus was sending Judas off on an errand to bring something they needed. As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. What was he thinking? What did the bread in his hand mean to him?

“And it was night,” John tells us. A very, very dark night. What was now driving Judas? Satan? Anger? Disappointment? Determination? Despair?

Sit for a moment in that darkness. Is there something you are longing for? Is the answer you want not coming?

And then came the moment at Gethsemane. Jesus had wept with his Father and submitted himself to the path before him. Enter Judas, with a large crowd armed with swords and clubs. Going up to Jesus, he greeted him as Rabbi and kissed him. Oh, Judas, what now? How much darker could a night get? What were you thinking as you saw Jesus submit quietly to the crowd and allow them to lead him away?

And then in the morning, Judas watched as Jesus was bound by the chief priests and led away to be sentenced to death by Pilate. As he realized Jesus was condemned, he was filled with remorse. He returned the thirty silver pieces to the chief priests with the words, “I have sinned, for I have betrayed an innocent man.” (Matthew 27:3,4) Does that sound like repentance? Would Jesus have included him in his words from the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) And Judas went and hanged himself.

I wonder if any part of Judah’s story resonates with you?  Judas—chosen, beloved, trusted. If, as I have wondered Judas's real motivation was to see Jesus as Messiah turning more than just money tables over in the temple, actually raising up an army against the Romans, what does that say to me, to you? Paul told his beloved son Timothy that “all Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16) What is there in Judas’ story that can teach us?

I look back on my life at so many times when I prayed fervently for something to happen that seemed to me to be a good thing. When it didn't, I felt discouraged and wondered about God, his love and his power. And I ranted as David did so often as we read in his psalms, and I felt abandoned and unloved. Yet somehow I never gave up, never left holding on to God, and now as I look back and see what actually happened, how life unfolded, and God's presence remained real, I am comforted. Yes, things didn’t always turn out as I expected and sometimes life’s challenges seemed overwhelming. Yet, so many people say, after they have been through a time of deep suffering, “I wouldn't want to go through that again, but neither would I want to have missed out on it.”

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,  

 neither are your ways my ways,”  declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,    

so are my ways higher than your ways     

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 (Isaiah 58:8,9)

 Whatever you are facing in your life today, don't give up. Keep looking up.

That day in Jerusalem, God had a different agenda to what Jesus’ disciples wanted—such a higher purpose that they could not have known or even dreamed. The invitation to you is to surrender today to God, your loving Father, whatever is on your heart, whatever is on your mind, whatever you're longing for-- to surrender and to trust that God has a bigger picture in mind and in his love, he will see you through. We are not our own. We were bought with a price. Our little story is part of a far bigger story.