Lord, Restore My Soul

Sometimes the Spirit shows up in our lives unexpectedly. Sometimes the Spirit comes in response to an intentional invitation. Such was our experience one day last week. Our church has begun a tradition of having prayer meetings during the summer when our regular home meetings are not happening. We call these meetings “Make Space for God” -- a curious title that leaves lots of space for creativity!

Last week, we began our evening with some worship songs and then our pastor read very quietly and slowly Psalm 23. He then lit an incense stick, and we sat in silence for several minutes, enjoying God’s presence.

Following this was the evening’s activity: we had a group of photos displayed on a table, and we were invited to choose the one our eyes first landed on or keep coming back to. Pick it up, return to our seat, and then take in what we notice. My eyes were immediately drawn to a picture of a gate. God had spoken to me profoundly through gates earlier this year. So this was my picture!

But as I looked at it, I realized that this was a very different gate from the ones I had seen earlier. I noticed it was a farm gate which reminded me of my childhood adventures on my uncle's farm in New Zealand. I noticed it was unlatched, just waiting to be opened. Beyond it lay a beautiful green field, lush and inviting-looking, yet enclosed by trees and bushes –a safe place--my kind of place. Where I was apparently standing looking in, the ground was rough and dead.

The invitation came to pause, to stay awhile, to be present to God, to keep noticing, to keep wondering, and then to ask what God was saying through the picture. That evening, I did not hear much from God.

However, the following day, as I gazed at my picture and let my imagination go, the wooden boards on the gate seemed to rearrange themselves. My gate now read “TRUST”.

I sensed the Lord inviting me to put my hand on the gate and swing it towards me: until I did, I could not move forward. Then came the thought to walk through the opening and to lie down in surrender in the green pasture. Our pastor had begun the evening reading Psalm 23. So you would think that invitation would sound lovely! Instead, I felt terrified!

“Lie down?” I protested. “Couldn’t I just sit?”

I had a picture in my mind of me sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees.

“And where are you looking?” I sensed God asking.

“At the ground.”

“And I want you lying flat on your back, with your arms wide open at your sides, in full surrender, gazing up at Me.”

I gasped. “Lord, it will be too bright. I’ll get scorched!”

“Look again at the sky in the picture.”

As I did, I realized the sky was only a very pale blue—no bright sunlight, not even any clouds.

“I want you gazing up at Me, in full surrender and trust, seeing My eyes of love.”

“I can’t do that! That feels so vulnerable, like all of me being on display…”

“Yes, full surrender. And fully trusting that I will take care of you and of all the people you love.”

I felt very stuck.

But as I have sat with this image since that day, I have begun to see it differently. And to wonder: how could I not have seen this as a beautiful invitation from the Good Shepherd to rest, to be restored? I have just been going through a very challenging season with many of the people I love hurting immensely. I had been carrying them emotionally, and I was exhausted. I felt as if I had lost myself.

And here is my God, inviting me to lie down, yes, in surrender because He knew I needed to let go of all the burdens I was carrying and come into that place of rest, that place of trust, that place of acknowledging that I couldn’t change anything for my loved ones, but that He can do immensely beyond all I could ask or think.

My mentor said to me a few days later, as I shared my picture with him:

“You have forgotten how to live as a much-loved child.”

And everything shifted for me.

A few weeks ago, we were sharing the poems we had written on retreat, using the acrostic REST. I wrote a new one today.

Restore my soul, dear LORD,

Even as I lie down in the green pasture

Surrendering to your invitation,

Trusting that Your gaze is one of infinite love.

Since that time, I have been learning how to live as that much-loved child, how to let go of the burdens and give them to God, and trust Him to take care of what each of my loved ones need. To trust, even as nothing seems to change. To trust, when I don't undersstand. To trust there is a bigger picture God sees in His faithfulness to each one. To allow God to be God. To allow His love to flow into me and through me. And to be grateful.

Now it is your turn!

Is there a picture in your life that God is drawing your attention to? Maybe it is a picture hanging on a wall in your house that you have walked past hundreds of times and never really paused to gaze at. Maybe it is a picture you snapped this summer, something that caught your attention and you knew you wanted to record.

As you gaze at your picture now, allow your eyes to be drawn to notice something deeper than you have noticed before. Let your imagination wander. Where were you? What was happening? Where do you see yourself in this picture now?  What is God inviting you into as you gaze? Write down what you are experiencing.

Then pause. Stay here quietly for a while. Be present to God and allow Him to show you what is on His heart for you at this moment.

I wonder if it will be something different from where you started, as it was for me.

Here are some questions to ponder:

What do you want me to know, LORD?

What have you already spoken to me?

Help me to notice.

Does this picture evoke praise, adoration, thanksgiving, confession or intercession?

Who do You want to be for me in this season of my life?

How can I see You differently as I ponder Your words to me through your picture?

Finally, write a personalized prayer in response to what you are sensing God is stirring in you through your picture.

If you feel overwhelmed as I did, take a break. Come back to it tomorrow. Share what you are wondering with a safe person who maybe can help you see what you are missing.

Above all, know that you are intimately loved by Almighty God, the King of Kings, Maker of heaven and earth—the God of mercy, of grace, of hope, of peace and of joy.

Be blessed!

The picture of my gate transformed by TRUST was painted for me by my beloved friend Jenell Kemhus who so beautifully captured my vision.