Darkness

Our blog today is written by Nehemiah Vice as he reflects on his journey from high school through his first year at college.

Psalm 139: 7 & 12

“Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?... even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

Has your future ever looked dark? So gloomy that nothing can bring you out of the pit of despair, not even your closest loved ones? Well, the Holy Spirit sits with you in those depths. He embraces you as his own.

The Spirit dwelt with me last year in a time of darkness that seemed to have no end; a time of transition from high school to college that looked like a pit of clay that would drag me away from family and community, away from the home I had always known. The funny thing is, the Spirit came with me into that new place and led me into a new home that He had planned for me. Even though I knew God was going to come alongside me from the start, It was hard to know the answers to my questions. Would I like my new school? Was I going to make good friends? Would classes be impossibly hard? Would I be able to get good enough grades? All of the questions compounded, and without my family right next to me, the first couple of weeks away were almost unbearable. I wanted one big, happy, perfect answer to all of my questions and sorrows. I wanted God to take the wheel, to tell me what to do, who to talk to, and how to live in a new place. But of course, it didn’t happen like I wanted. Instead, the Holy Spirit sat with me, embraced me, dwelt with me, and held my hand as I walked into a place of feeling like giving up.

Instead of one big, all encompassing answer, the Spirit provided many small joys that incrementally filled my life with purpose and peace as I entered a new phase in life. One of those answers was the joy of being physically active. Quiet evenings of running or weight lifting became a constant place of refuge from the rush of homework and the sting of loneliness. There is an unmatched feeling of peace that comes after a long workout where you are pushed to the limit. I felt the Spirit working as He led me out into His creation, running along the beautiful canal that passes next to campus. After a shower and a quick bite, I found myself sitting on my bed with a guitar and a worship song or two. Worship separated my brain from the ordinary exhaustion of the day as I was given extraordinary quiet times of music and praise. Guitar sessions in my room became a time of peace where the Spirit sat with me, embraced me, and dwelt with me. He listened to my longings, and responded with His abundant love for me.

In your busy life, where has the Spirit provided pockets of peace for you?

Even though I wanted a big, bright, obvious answer that never came, I have been learning that sometimes the Spirit talks in a still, consistent, gentle and loving voice. He takes our darkness and instead of changing it to something new, he persistently seeks a way into it with us, and shifts perspective from the inside out. After those first few weeks away from home, the Spirit began to make small, ordinary sections of darkness into radiant, extraordinary sources of hope. He sent friends that spoke the love of Christ into my life. He brought Scriptures (like Psalm 139) into my quiet times that reminded me of the ways He provides. It is so easy to jump from one activity to the next–to ignore the whisper of the Spirit while focused on the screams of difficulty.

How has the Spirit been quietly sitting with you? How has He been providing small answers to your (seemingly) big problems?

As life continues as ordinary, I pray that the Spirit quietly transforms your heart into His own heart. May His patience be your patience. May His wisdom be your wisdom. May you be filled with courage that only He can provide. May His love bring you peace that surpasses all understanding. May He sit with you, embrace you, and dwell with you.

“Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?... even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”